School is a reflection of the community at large, and as such children will inevitably meet people they do not like—teachers included!

When a child complains he doesn’t like his teacher, parents can take a positive approach by increasing communication and working cooperatively to strengthen the home-school relationship.

That’s what Audra Hart did. Last year when her then fourth-grade son Jesse started expressing dissatisfaction with his reading teacher, mother and child talked so she could find out exactly what was bothering him.

“I thought his concerns were valid because he’s a pretty honest kid. At the same time I didn’t think she was the monster he was making her out to be,” says Hart. “I let him know I understood his point of view but made it clear I wasn’t taking sides.”

Good idea, says Elementary School Guidance Counselor Carol Backer.

“Talk with your child and validate his feelings, but maintain a neutral stance,” she says.

Next get an objective view of the situation.

Chantal Callahan did this. Shortly after the school year began, Emily began claiming her English teacher was strict and singled her out. Callahan listened to what her then sixth-grade daughter had to say but got a balanced perspective during a regularly scheduled conference.

“The teacher had glowing things to report about Emily but added, ‘She talks too much and doesn’t focus nearly enough.’ That’s when I knew the discipline being directed toward my daughter was warranted,” says the mother.

If your child lodges a complaint about the teacher’s teaching style, wait it out.

“A lot of times kids grow accustomed to a particular teacher’s method of instruction,” says Elementary School Principal Kelly Carey. “Give it several weeks to see if your child adjusts. In the meantime send the teacher a note so she’s aware of the situation and ask what you can do at home to help.”

If your student suggests the teacher is too strict, obtain a list of classroom rules, discuss ones in question and encourage him to comply to avoid being reprimanded.

“One thing to bear in mind is your child’s view of strictness may have more to do with the teacher’s personality or the inflection of her voice than with the rules,” says Backer. “If so explain that people have different methods of interacting and communicating and some are more attentive and caring than others.”
If your child protests he is being picked on, be responsive but realize his perspective may be limited by his development.

“This is where parents have to sift through and weigh out the facts,” says Carey. “There may be some merit in what your child is saying, but the question is to what degree and for what reason. If, after careful observation, you decide to address the situation, come to the table in a non-confrontational way and seek to resolve the issue rather than resort to blame. Join together in mutual respect and understanding and work toward forging a good relationship.”

Hart did this.

“When Jesse’s grades started slipping I sent a note to his homeroom teacher telling her there was a problem with the reading teacher and asked if she had any input,” says Hart. “I also called the school counselor, who had regular contact with Jesse, to let her know there was an issue in case she wanted to address it.”

Several weeks later Hart and the two teachers met to discuss a strategy for getting the boy back on track.

“We went over his grades then I mentioned to the teacher that Jesse thought she didn’t like him, and as a result didn’t want to put forth an effort in class. She was surprised and suggested we bring him in so they could clear things up. We did and it went really well. From that point on there was a marked improvement in his attitude and his grades,” says Hart.

After the conference share meeting highlights with your child, along with suggested steps to remedy the situation. In the days to follow maintain contact with the teacher until you see a steady improvement.

Callahan did this.

“I told Emily the teacher thought she had a lot of potential but didn’t apply herself,” she says. “She seemed encouraged and became more enthusiastic and expressive with her writing. Since then she’s been writing songs and poems on her own and says one day she wants to work for the Wall Street Journal.”
If several weeks after the first meeting you fail to see improvement, request a three-way conference with the administration.

“A stunt in social or academic development may be a signal it’s time to find a different classroom, though this is rare and should be the last resort,” says Carey.

Above all remain neutral, balanced and positive, and work toward building bridges that will help your child succeed. In doing so, you will teach him he can work through difficult situations, and he’ll be better equipped to handle any future controversies in a likewise manner.

-Denise Yearian is the former editor of two parenting magazines and the mother of three children.